Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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