So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
