ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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