News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
