soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
