youre lurking in front of me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
