can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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