PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
