I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drunk is not a location!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This can only be settled by a dance off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
