This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
