Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize