my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he fucked my hip out of place.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
