My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My feet surprised me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
