well you can't waste a boner
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize