what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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