She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize