his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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