pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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