Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
