Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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