she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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