So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
