i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
