Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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