I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
