So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
