Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
