piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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