Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize