I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
