So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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