I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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