every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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