Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize