I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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