I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
