What a fucking waste of an outfit
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
