in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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