Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i will never coherently bang her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
