We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize