imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
