Do you still have your period?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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