Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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