? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
