Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
