i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
foreskin is a definite game changer
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
