she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
