the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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