I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
