he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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