It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
