I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
