just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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