no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
