I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
