he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
