The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
