I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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