you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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