"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
