I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
tell me about the eggs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
