My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
