And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize