What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
