6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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