Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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