are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
