The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
