dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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