sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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