I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
