angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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