Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize