So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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