I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
