K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
