he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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