i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
