I just made out with a guy for $7.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
