i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize