I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
