why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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