I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
