so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
