I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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