I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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