there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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