I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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