I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
