Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
COCAINE IS GR8
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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