look no pants
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
