meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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