If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
zippers are such a cool invention
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
