considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
