Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
