Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
