I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
