now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
