Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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