Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
