69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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