i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
