I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
