$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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