Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
