so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
