remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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