I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
