My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
