meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
