I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
