It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
