its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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