shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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