she woke up with a sticky ear
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
this is an emotional support booty call
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
