there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
