Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
